“What are you willing to give me if I hand him over to you?” They paid him thirty pieces of silver, and from that time on he looked for an opportunity to hand him over. On the first day of the Feast of Unleavened Bread, the disciples approached Jesus and said “Where do you want us to prepare for you to eat the Passover?” He said, “Go into the city to a certain man and tell him, ‘The teacher says, "My appointed time draws near; in your house I shall celebrate the Passover with my disciples.”‘“ The disciples then did as Jesus had ordered, and prepared the Passover. When it was evening, he reclined at table with the Twelve. And while they were eating, he said, “Amen, I say to you, one of you will betray me.” Deeply distressed at this, they began to say to him one after another ,“Surely it is not I, Lord?” He said in reply, “He who has dipped his hand into the dish with me is the one who will betray me. The Son of Man indeed goes, as it is written of him, but woe to that man by whom the Son of Man is betrayed. It would be better for that man if he had never been born.” Then Judas, his betrayer, said in reply, “Surely it is not I, Rabbi?” He answered, “You have said so.”
REFLECTION:
Although Judas Iscariot regretted his kiss of betrayal, his conscience constantly accused him and pushed him to despair (c.f. Matthew 27:3-10). Despair is a demon that blinds you, suffocates, and drenches you with acid that corrodes your soul as it drags you by the hair down to its kingdom of eternal hopelessness. It lies to you, repeatedly saying that the only way to stop its torture is death. How could Judas escape the claws of despair? It is only through grace that one can escape it. Who do we know that is "full of grace"?
If Judas had run - or crawled if he must - to Jesus' mother, she would have guided him back to Jesus.
Suicide is tragically common. The overwhelming burdens of life can make the lies of despair tempting. This long life is only temporary. If you get lost along the way, do not despair. Our sin is a blade of grass in His field of mercy.
Lord, grant us the gift of fortitude in our darkest hour and keep us from despair.
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